The question is, do they? I don't think so.
I know many nice, stable, Christian men with stable jobs, nice guy friends, and a host of healthy hobbies who have married gals looking for just those qualities.
The problem with the old adage, "Nice guys finish last," is... how do you define "nice"?
Now, if by "nice" you mean moody, sensitive, submissive, touchy, easily hurt, and unable to lead... sure, those guys finish last. But I think they're kidding themselves if they whine that it's because they are "nice."
It's not because you're nice. Sure, there are a minority of women out there who don't like nice guys and would rather find a leather-clad drug addict who can yell at them and hit them and make them cry. But that's not most of us.
Most of us want a guy who will care about our emotions, be friendly toward our mothers, hug us when we're sad, and take care of us when we're sick. That's good nice.
But we don't want a guy who "lets" us make most of the decisions, doesn't like conflict, won't stand up for himself, and is afraid to tell us no and give us a stern look every once in a while. That's bad nice. And our society is kicking out more and more of these guys.
On the first few dates, they're hard to tell apart from the good nice guys. But eventually, we start to notice little things. Like that he is afraid to say anything that will upset his mother. That he wants us to pick where we'll go and what we'll do, because all he is capable of saying is, "I don't care where we eat/what we do/what movie we see." A guy who will get his feelings hurt and then not tell us about it. A guy who complains a lot about his boss and work environment, but never actually goes and talks to his boss about it. A guy who prefers to give us whatever we want instead of risking making us angry. A guy who will always apologize, but never expect to be apologized to. A guy who, when you ask his future plans and goals, will say something vague like, "Oh, whatever God wants in my life is fine with me."
That's bad nice. In fact, I don't even consider it "nice." I'd call that passive.
There are some women out there just itching for a husband they can boss around and treat like a servant (they won't ever word it that way. They'll say, "It makes him happy to make me happy").
But most women want a man they can lean on and trust in an emergency. Someone who can protect them emotionally and physically, and that means having the physical power to do it and the emotional balls to follow through. Sure, they want a nice man who loves and provides for them, but they also want someone who can make strong decisions, discipline their children, and stand up for their family against evil bosses and in-laws.
So quit whining that "I'm just too nice, I guess."
It's not that you're too nice, because there is no such thing as being too nice. It's that aside from being a nice guy, you're also a pushover or indecisive or a wimp or passive. You probably don't like to look at yourself that way, so you make excuses like you're "nice."
Be honest with yourself. Who are the heroes of romance novels? Warriors. Heroes. Strong men. Men who are willing to stand up for themselves and their women and their families, physically if they have to, but most certainly verbally and emotionally. Men who are willing to fight battles and go out on a limb. They're probably also nice, wonderful husbands and caring fathers, but they're still men.
What does the Bible say about masculinity? It says that a masculine man is someone who loves God, has wisdom, lives temperately, loves and leads his wife and children, disciplines his children, works hard, and is selfless. A man is someone who is humble, wise, righteous, and stable. He provides for his family. He is respected in his community. He leads by word and example. He holds his tongue, gives solid Christian advice to those who need it, forgives easily, and can be depended upon.
Adam sinned because he was too passive. He did not stand up to Eve in the garden. Abraham sinned because he was too passive. Instead of standing up and telling the truth, he lied about his relationship with Sarah when he was afraid for his life, and in the end he compromised his wife's virtue out of fear. Moses signed because he was too passive. When given an order by God, he tried to shirk his duty and give excuses.
See a pattern here?
On the other hand, the Bible tells of many "manly" men who were still loving, peace-seeking followers of God. Paul was outgoing and fearless with words. He was not afraid to speak for the Gospel in front of leaders and crowds. Elijah was emboldened by the Spirit to face score
s of Baal's prophets alone. David was a warrior who was unmatched in battle. He wasn't afraid to go up against Goliath, even when all the other soldiers were. At the same time, he also loved God, dancing, and music. He was strong, brave, and fearless in battle, but he didn't get caught up in being a man who was only about war.
Joshua was a man who obeyed God and led Israel's troops into glorious battle. In Joshua 1, what message does God give Joshua? "Be strong and courageous." God says this to Joshua no fewer than 3 times. It is good advice for all men to follow.
Think about it.
Sources:
http://www.christinyou.net/pages/masculinity.html
http://www.scionofzion.com/essence.htm
