You may want to forgive, but you cannot. Or you may forgive for a while, and then be slapped in the face by a fresh wave of hurt a few days later. (Or a few years later.) We want to forgive, but we are hurting so badly we feel we cannot.
One answer, of course, is to pray about it. This won't heal the problem magically, but it will help. Praying for God to teach you to forgive your spouse the way He has forgiven you can give you time to reflect quietly, get centered, and calm down. Of course, the biggest benefit is that it sets in motion divine aid!
One tip I use that works for me about 85% of the time is to STOP the thought immediately. Rather than think about it, letting the anger and rage well up in me at how I've been wronged and hurt, I STOP the thoughts with a quick, 1-sentence prayer thanking God that the situation has stopped. I use this formula:
God, thank You for getting him out of that situation.
Of course, the situation varies. For example, my most common time I need to invoke this prayer is the thought of my partner's ex-wife. I find myself picturing them having sex in various positions, and it tortures me. These unwanted images flash through my mind unbidden and cause unexplicable pain for me. If I let them continue, I will feel pain, then loss, then hurt, then anger, and we will be in yet another fight over something neither of us can control. For this situation, I pray: "God thank You for getting him out of that marriage."
The end. I do not make it a long prayer so my mind has no time to keep torturing me with the image.
For a smaller issue, I may pray like this: "God, thank You that we've already talked about this and I've forgiven him." End of story.
Try using these small, thankful prayers to ward yourself against the pain, hurt, and anger that comes with unforgiveness.
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