What Depression Feels Like

If you have a spouse or loved one who is depressed, please don't make the mistake of telling them to "snap out of it" or "pray harder." You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to snap out of it and pray harder, would you? The Christian stigma that depression is only imagined, or is the cause of some unforgiven sin, has kept many Christians from seeking treatment.

What happens when severe depression is left untreated and unchecked? Suicide.

In fact, many studies show depression has genetic and environmental causes (see one example here.) Depression is as real as cancer, and in many ways just as terrifying and life-changing.

Someone who has been depressed can tell you unequivocably that depression IS real. However, unless you've suffered from this mental illness yourself, you cannot really understand.

How does depression feel?

• You feel achy, like you have a cold all the time. Your joints ache, your muscles ache, your head aches, your eyes ache. You have chronic back, muscle, and joint pain, and may need constant massages from a loved one. You ache and feel under the weather.
• You feel tense, worried, and despairing. You can't imagine why you ever thought you were a good person or your life would work out well. You are a failure and there is nothing to do about it. You are overpowered completely by feelings of unworthiness and despair. Any attempts to cheer yourself up are quickly crushed by some outside force that seems to weight eight billion tons.
• You don't enjoy anything. Activities you used to enjoy, like sex, singing, music, golf, and exercise, now make you feel bored and depressed. You don't have the energy to do them.
• You have no energy. You feel listless and lifeless. You don't have the energy to get out of bed more often than it takes to use the restroom. You make yourself eat small amounts and shower occasionally, but overall you don't really care about those, either. Hygiene is a chore and you prefer to stay in bed. Even when you slept well, you feel tired and like you have no energy.
• You suffer from sleep problems. You may have nightmares that are so vivid you begin to wake up even more stressed and exhausted than when you went to sleep; this may eventually make you terrified of falling asleep and you may dread sleeping. You could sleep too little, tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling, or you might sleep too much, delving into a heavy sleep for long over 8 hours but still waking up tired and groggy.
• Everyone is an enemy. Other people are annoying and irritating. You wish they'd go away and leave you alone, because your patience is thin. At best, you tolerate them and ignore them; at worst, you can see they are ruining your life and making you unhappy and you attack and berate them.
• You want to weep at the smallest thing.
• Your life is hopeless and no one else understands why or even sees this.
• God has abandoned you, you have fallen out of His favor, and you don't even have the energy or desire to pray about it, anyway. The solace you once received from Him now seems empty and pointless.
• You are not hungry, although you feel weak and tired. Food holds little appeal for you, and when you eat it doesn't even taste that good. You may feel nauseated by the thought of food. You probably only eat what tiny amounts you need to keep going.
• Comfort from others will not console you, because their voice is like a tiny, insignificant point against the millions of heavy, dark points you know to be true.
• You are terrified but you cannot protect yourself from whatever danger is near. Your body is on full alert, which is exhausting for you. Your heart thumps, your blood rushes, you feel terrified and anxious. SOMETHING bad is about to happen, and you are helpless and powerless and alone.
• You have no energy to go to work or even to get out of bed.
• You want to lie in the dark, and avoid light, which hurts your eyes and annoys you.
• When lying down, you can feel a solid weight pushing on your chest. Although you see that nothing is there, you can feel it, and it is heavier than you are, preventing you from moving or getting up. You have no choice but to lie there with this external weight.
• You find yourself thinking darkly about murder, blood, and suicide. The only thing that calms your mind and gives you a reprieve from the darkness is to picture hurting yourself, seeing your blood run, or hurting someone else. You darkly wonder who would even care if you drove away and never came back, or how long it would take someone to notice if you died today. You figure it would serve them all right, anyway.

Imagine feeling like that, but worse, and you can understand how a depressed person may feel. They do not need your advice, your pity, or your anger, but only your patience and understanding. Do not try to lift them out of depression, but listen and suggest a doctor.

For more tips on what to say to someone who is depressed, see here.