Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. -1 Peter 3:1-6
But where in the Old Testament is there a record of Sarah calling her husband "Master"? It's in Genesis 18:12, after Sarah is told she will bear a son. Here is the verse in different translations:
So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?" -NIV
So she laughed silently to herself and said, "How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master--my husband--is also so old?" -NLT
So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?” -ESV
The Blue Letter Bible says the Hewbrew word used here is adon, a singular masculine noun from a root word meaning "to rule." Interestingly, adon (also spelled 'adown) is the singular form of Adonai, a popular name for God. Originally, Adon or Adonis was the name of a Phonecian/Canaanite god of fertility, whose mother was Venus to the Romans, Aphrodite to the Greeks, and Astarte to the Phonecians. (Off topic, but also interesting: the generic name for a god in Phonecian was el, and the Phonecian god El was the creator and Lord of Earth. He was also called Baal. The root "el-" became the basis for the Hebrew words Elohim, Eli, and for the Arabic word Allah.)
In the Old Testament, the use of adon was used in the sense of master, lord, or owner. The word comes from a root word meaning "to rule" and implies a sense of ownership and was used to refer to those in a position of authority, usually husbands, kings, or other people in authority. Of course, Adon is also used to refer to God.
Here are some other uses for the word adon in the Bible:
- firm, strong, lord, master
- lord, master
- superintendent of household, of affairs
- master
- king
- lords, kings
- proprietor of hill of Samaria
- husband
- prophet
- governor
- prince
- king
- prince
- prophet
- father
- Moses
- priest
- captain
- general recognition of superiority
These are all examples of the word adon in the Old Testament when they refer to men (and not God). I cannot stress enough that this word means "to rule" and implies ownership or a position of authority.
In the New Testament example of 1 Peter 3:6, the word used is the Greek kyrios.
They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master [kyrios].
This word best translates as "lord, master, or sir". It can also be applied to Jesus or God when it is capitalized in English, such as Lord. It is related to the Greek word kyrieou, meaning "to have dominion over" or "to exercise control of" or "be lord/Lord of."
On the other hand, commentaries warn us that this doesn't mean women should never have a say in marital decisions. The words kyrios and adon seem to refer more to a general sense of respect and lordship; they refer to someone in authority, but that doesn't mean a slave driver. Matthew Henry's commentary on these verses concludes:
Christians ought to do their duty to one another, from a willing mind, and in obedience to the command of God. Wives should be subject to their husbands, not from dread and amazement, but from desire to do well, and please God. The husband's duty to the wife implies giving due respect unto her, and maintaining her authority, protecting her, and placing trust in her.
Another commentary by Coffman says:
As Sarah obeyed Abraham...
It should not be thought that Sarah's obedience to Abraham was in any sense Servility. On one occasion she ordered Abraham to "Cast out the bondwoman and her son," a "request" that sorely grieved and distressed Abraham; but he obeyed her, God himself commanding Abraham to do it (Genesis 20:10-12). Nevertheless, there was the utmost respect and honor accorded her husband by the noble Sarah.
Calling him lord ...
The significance of Sarah's doing this lies in the fact that this is what she called him in her own heart, not merely when others might hear her. The real test of what one is, or what one thinks, lies in the content of what they say to themselves, not in what they might say to others.
In other words, submission is more about giving respect and honor to your husband in your heart than in being forced to only in your actions. Sure, he could force you to be obedient, but God wants a willing heart, not grudging respect. Let me be clear that this is not something I have mastered! I know in my head what I should do, but I'm not sure how to apply that to my actions. How do I submit when he doesn't require it or make it clear which situations he even wants me to submit in? How do I submit without clear direction or leadership from him in what areas he wants me to submit? How do I force myself to feel submissive "in my heart" instead of just "in my actions"? These are things I'm not sure about, and I need to talk more with my husband about.
Yet the key words here, kyrios and adon, imply leadership and authority. If you're a man, what does that mean for you?
And how many Christian marriages today actually are true to this original meaning?
Not many.
Please don't think I am blaming the women here for "not being submissive enough." It is both partners' fault if their marriage does not live up to 1 Peter 3:6. In today's Western society, equality and "equal partnerships" are the norm. Conventional wisdom says that if one partner is better at leading in a certain area, it will be simpler and easier for everyone to let her. Women today have to deal with weak men who make bad, selfish decisions motivated by self-gratification instead of a Godly leadership style. Many men would rather not make decisions or have the hassle of leading, so nothing gets done if the woman doesn't step in. On the other hand, men today have to handle powerhouse women in the workplace who can file a sexual harrassment suit over imagined slights. Some of their wives are control freaks who treat them like children instead of like warriors. The problem is in both sexes. Men won't lead, and women won't let them. It's a cycle our society says is normal and even P.C., but it's not what the Bible tells us to do.
Undoubtedly, the idea of a submissive Christian wife will be unpopular with your friends and family members. Likewise, the idea of a dominating Christian husband will fly in the face of many of your loved ones' beliefs.Don't believe me? Check out this alarming thread, "When will men kneel down before women in public?" But in the end, you must do what you believe is right. It is the husband's responsibility to initiate and maintain and Bible-based relationship. It is the wife's responsibility to submit and obey to his leading. Popular? No. Easy? Certainly not. But rewarding? I have to rest on the promises of God and think so.
There is no right or wrong model of submission. The two of you simply need to communicate and decide what works for the two of you, within Biblical grounds. Think: is your husband the master? the leader? the lord? Do you obey him? And husbands, do you act like a master, a prophet, a priest, a prince, a king? Do you pray to your Priest and King for guidance on how to follow in His footsteps?
Ask Jesus what he wants for your marriage. He will guide you. He is the ultimate Kyrios, the ultimate Adon, the leader and master and owner and ruler of our lives. He will show you the way.
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