Being a Man: Taking the Initiative

Recently, my husband read two books about relationships, sex, and Christian marriage. Two. And even better, they were books I hadn't read yet.

It's no secret that the majority of self-help and Christian relationship books are purchased and read by women. But that's too bad, since half of the people in Christian relationships are men. Sometimes my husband will read a book after I've read it, but usually only because he's heard me talking about it and I'm nagging him to read it, too. And often, he starts it and doesn't finish it.

What does that tell me? Whether or not it's true, it makes me feel like I care more about the health of our relationship than he does (since I'm the one reading books to help us), that he doesn't show initiative (I was the one who got and read the book and encouraged him to follow) and that he doesn't have follow through (he starts a book, but doesn't finish it). That makes me sad and feel unimportant, not to mention that it makes me wonder if I can trust him to lead us in a Godly direction without follow-through or iniative. Maybe he has follow-through and initiative with his job, but why not with me?

So it was special to me that he read them. The first one, Sex and the Soul of a Woman by Paula Rinehart, was one I bought about five years ago and couldn't finish because I felt too depressed and guilty. He started it hoping to better understand me and how past sexual abuse has affected me, and he finished it in a few days. He even said it helped him understand how my past has affected me and our sex life together.

The second one, Love and War by the great couple John and Stasi Eldredge, was one we picked up at the grocery store and he read. We loved their earlier books, so he read through it and suddenly he was a lot more patient and understanding. We fought less for a few days. He made efforts to validate and understand me more often. It definitely brought about a nice change!

Being a man doesn't mean you have to read books, especially if that's not your thing, but it does mean taking the initiative. And sometimes it means taking the initiative in areas that maybe aren't your cup of tea. Like reading self-help books, or couple prayer time and Bible study, or starting a new volunteer ministry together as a couple in your community. Maybe you'd rather be watching the game or cleaning the car, but that's why leadership in a Christian relationship is a sacrifice. Because you do things that are important to her, or that help your relationship. Maybe reading books or spending time listening to some online sermons, or even just browsing Christian relationship websites or Bible commentaries online, is something you should consider.

It may not seem like fun to you, but your wife will be impressed you showed the self-initiative to try to improve your relationship, all on your own. She'll feel loved you spent time doing something that maybe you didn't really want to. And the information you find can only help the two of your relationship as you grow together toward Christ.