Leadership Qualities for a Man

While both men and women can be leaders (in parenting, in the workforce, in their communities, and in politics), in homes it is the man who is called to lead. This doesn't mean he has to boss his wife around, or even that he can't delegate some tasks to her. But in today's society, many men are not taught how to lead. They are taught to be passive and to take orders, or else to fight and gain what they want through intimidation or violence. Many men don't know what it takes to be a leader.

What are some characteristics of a Christian male leader? Whether a Christian man is called to leadership in his job, community, hobbies, church, friends, or family, some characteristics remain the same.

Let's look at 1 Timothy 3, a great passage about male leadership. Paul is writing to his protoge, Timothy, about the qualifications for men wanting to be deacons (translated "overseers" in the NIV version) in the Church. Since a deacon is clearly a position of leadership, these characteristics describe what Paul saw as the ideal Christian leader.

Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap. Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. -1 Timothy 3:2-9

In 1 Peter 3:7, Paul gives further instructions to husbands leading their wives and families:

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat
them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious
gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Colossians 3:19 has further instructions for husbands:

Love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Paul gives several criteria for male leaders. Here they are:

• Moral: Paul says that leaders should make good moral and ethical decisions. Decisions should be based on the Bible and made after careful thought, prayer, and Bible study, not based on a feeling or your own desires. Husbands should ask not what they want, but what decision will be best for their wives and families. Paul gives some specifics; a husband should not be divorced, so should be faithful to his wife. He shouldn't quarrel and should control his temper. He should not seek money but eternal rewards. He should be honest with everyone, even when it is difficult or may have negative consequences for your job or relationships. A good Christian leader is first of all moral. He does what is right, not partly right or half-heartedly, but 100%, no matter the consequences or how unpopular that decision may make him.
• Good leadership skills: A leader should exhibit good leadership skills. Not only should he manage his wife and children, but outsiders should respect him. That means he is a capable, strong leader both within and without his home. He leads his wife and children, his friends, his family, his coworkers, his church members, and all the groups he is part of. People look up to him as an example of a godly, moral man and come to him for advice and help. People trust him and follow his example, which should be completely righteous in the way he lives his life.
• Controlled: A leader controls his selfish instincts and does what is best for his followers. He controls his temper. He loves his wife, even when she is unlovable or he is angry with her and doesn't want to love her. He keeps himself from excesses of alcohol, food, sex, or any other addictions. He doesn't do what he wants to do, like making selfish decisions, but controls his own desires and cares for those under his leadership.
• Respectable: A Christian leader is worthy of respect. He follows God's Word---and to follow it, he must know it. He probably spends time studying the Word and working to keep his life lined up with it. He conducts himself honestly and righteously. He has morals and character others can respect. He is strong and stable, making good decisions and sticking to them, not making decisions in a rush or without enough forethought to carry them through.
• Faithful: A leader must "keep hold of the deep truths of the faith." This means he is knows the deep truths of faith, not just the basic or easy or popular ones. He knows God is working in his life, and he trust Him completely. He follows Jesus in all his decisions. Even when life is hard and others around him doubt, he trusts God. He attends church, studies his Bible, and helps those less fortunate. He shows the world around him God's love, whether that is in his community, church, family, or work. People can tell he's a devout Christian by his words and actions. Perhaps he volunteers at the church or in the community or leads a Bible study.
• Tender: A husband is not harsh with his wife, either in his words or his actions. He doesn't yell at her, belittle her, or lose patience with her. He doesn't give her the silent treatment or get annoyed with her for not being perfect. He is patient, loving, and tender. He understands his wife and his children's needs, and he strives to meet them. He knows his family has emotional needs, and he is sensitive and atuned to those. He knows their spiritual needs, and he always leads them closer to God. He knows their physical needs and keeps them cared for, provided for, and safe.
• Respectful: A leader is worthy of respect, but he also gives respect. He treats his wife and all his followers with respect. He does not take advantage of her weakness, either physical, spiritual, or emotional. He loves her for the gifts she brings to their relationship and to God's kingdom, and treats her respectfully because of them.
• Considerate: The husband Paul describes is considerate toward his wife and family. Another word for considerate could be "thoughtful." He doesn't wait to be asked or nagged into doing something, but tries to anticipate his family's needs and meet them. If he can't anticipate them, he responds immediately to their needs. He thinks of his wife and ways he could make her happy. Perhaps he offers to help her with her chores, brings flowers, gets a babysitter, plans a night out, massages her back, runs her a bubble bath, buys her a favorite book or cd, or takes her to her favorite show. This husband knows his wife and uses that knowledge to anticipate and meet her needs.
• Loving: A Christian leader is most of all loving. They love their wives, and "love" is both an action and a feeling. It is not only one or the other, for this is an incomplete idea of love. Love must be a feeling--wanting to protect, cherish, and care for someone who is important to you. He wants to make her happy and keep her spiritually and emotionally healthy, and he feels happy being around her. Love is also an action--he must act loving, maybe even when he can't feel the emotion. He makes sacrifices so his loved one is cared for and feels cherished and needed. A Christian husband shows his wife love the way she understands it and wants it to be expressed, not when he feels like it and in the way he thinks she should want it.