Needs, to me, are things necessary for our well-being and survival. We need food, water, shelter, protection, and air. Without these, we will die or become sick. Wants, on the other hand, may make us uncomfortable or grouchy if they're not fulfilled, but we won't die. Yet in our society, wants are often confused with needs. If you want something a lot, think about it a lot, and whine about not having it a lot, people tell you it's a need. That's simply not true. You won't die without a new computer, no matter how much you want it, and you won't die without sex. Moreover, your quality of life will not decrease without sex. Sex isn't a need. It's a drive, and it's a want, and it can be a gift from God, but it's not a need.
Even medical articles and Christian books (usually written by men) will tell us: Men Need Sex. It's a biological drive (true), and it's unstoppable (false). Abstaining from sex is unhealthy and unnatural (also false). I've heard people blame all sorts of things on lack of sex or masturbation, such as rape or terrible cases of pedophilic priests. I blame these things on a fallen world and men giving in to their sinful temptations, not lack of sex.
Of course, there are statistics that clearly show that men may desire and pursue sex more than women. For instance:
- studies show men think about sex more often than women
- 66% of men masturabte, compared to 40% of women
- men masturbate more frequently than women
- men are more likely to seek out sex
But does this mean sex is a need? Or simply that in our "I want it and I want it NOW!" culture of instant gratification, people are confusing wants with needs? Just because a man may want sex more does not give him the right to claim sexual gratification is a need that he deserves to have fulfilled.
Researching for this blog post, I found many articles claiming that men need sex, either for physical or emotional reasons. Most of these were geared toward women, as though telling women that men NEED sexual intercourse should make us feel guilty for having standards, waiting for love and a marriage commitment, or like we owe it to men to put out.
One article said most men need sex to connect, as though men are inferior creature incapable of understanding emotions and intuition. Therefore, women should give men sex so they, too, can "connect" emotionally. The article said:
Men view sex as the true expression of love and usually think a relationship hasn't even started until it includes sex. One single man told the singles' publication SOLO that he doesn't really believe a woman loves him until they have sex. He said, "She can think she is showing love to me in many ways from cooking for me to waiting on me. But until we have sex, I do not feel loved."
So, the relationship does start until the man gets sex. This is absolute hogwash. How do I know? Well, to sound like a fundamentalist, because the Bible says. God created men, God created relationships, and God created sex. Therefore, I trust what He has to say about the matter. And He says that sex is good, but should be saved for a monogamous relationship within a lifelong marriage. If God created men and their sex drives, but still commands them to wait until marriage, then I believe that is just what men should do. They don't need sex. They don't need sex to connect, or to feel fulfilled, or to give or receive love to a women. Sex is a gift, not a right.
Well, of course if you tell men that it is unnatural and unhealthy for them to abstain from sex, they're going to believe it. But my question is, does society tell men they need sex, and do they believe it? I think most men today are sex maniacs because it's expected of them. I hear horror stories of parents who give their teenage sons pornography because it's "natural." Parents who allow their high school sons and daughters to have nighttime visitors of the opposite sex so they can "experience sex with no guilt." It's one thing for a parent to teach a teen that sex before marriage is wrong, but remain open and loving if they make bad decisions. It's another thing entirely to encourage those bad decisions and pretend they are good or natural.
Another article says:
Both men and women may desire sex but only men need sex. This is one of the crucial differences between men and women, a fact that very few men and fewer women know.
Just another example of our sex-crazed society trying to convince men they deserve sex in relationships, as opposed to earning the right to make love to your future wife by respecting her and obeying God. The article explains that men have seminal vesicles that make ejaculate and, when it is ready, send testosterone to the brain to trigger men to act more sexually. This is, in fact, true. The body wants release, and sends chemicals to the brain that make men more likely to want sex. But this doesn't mean they will get sick or hurt their bodies if they don't get sex. In fact, if a man's body has too much pressure on it and the man does not give in to his desire for sex or masturbation, the body can release the pressure through wet dreams--and the man has not committed any moral wrongs. But to imply that just because men want sex means that they need it is not only false, but a blatant contradiction of God Himself, who tells us to wait until marriage.
What if a married man has a sick or paralyzed wife? What if he is deployed and must live apart from his wife for years? If those who claim that men need sex are correct, this would mean he would have no choice but to cheat on his wife. We all know this is false, and a man who is physically unable to make love to his wife is still morally responsible to be faithful to her. In other words, he is required to abstain.
Let's take a good, hard look at what our society says about men and their so-called need for sex, with our Hooters and magazines and tv shows and medical articles about liberated sex. If our culture is to be believed, what does that say about men in general?
- they are controlled by their penises, rather than by God, by their hearts, morals, or minds
- they want to use women for their own pleasure
- they are inherently selfish, and use relationships to meet their own needs rather than to show Christlike love to their partners
- they lose their innocence as soon as they hit puberty, probably around 13 years old
- they have the right to disrespect strangers by looking at and jacking off to videos or pictures of them naked or in lingerie/bikinis
- they have a right to expect sexual favors from women in relationships with them, rather than giving of themselves to the woman. If the woman does not "deliver," men will just find someone else to meet their needs and end up cheating on the woman
- if their wives are sick, far away, pregnant, nursing, or otherwise unable to have sex, men will either be grouchy and unhappy or end up being cheaters
- wives and girlfriends owe men the use of their bodies as sexual objects because men "need" it, rather than reserving sex for a bonding and loving experience of self-giving
- men are emotional idiots who cannot understand emotions and therefore need sex to connect to women
- God, who created men, was wrong about the need for men to abstain until marriage
- God, who created sex, clearly had no idea what sex was about when he created rules about sex for our safety. We humans understand sex better than God, creator of sex Himself.
- men should be expected to be sex-hungry maniacs or else cheating scumbags
- men cannot and should not be selfless in bed
- relationships are meant for men's physical pleasure
- all men masturbate. If they don't, they are either sexually repressed or lying about it.
- Porn, erotica, strip clubs, and other things that fly in the face of all Christ taught us are normal and okay
- men shouldn't rape women, but it's okay to expect sex, and if a woman doesn't want to give it, it's okay to pressure her, complain, whine, beg, coerce, give her guilt trips, or leave her
If we look closely at the messages society sends us about men and sex, these are the messages. Oh, our culture tries to hide the messages under a blanket of "pleasure and fun for all!" and the idea that sex can be enjoyed without regard for the risks of STDs, pregnancy, sin, separation from God, and heartache. But deep beneath the messages, everyone who claims sexual liberation for men is really implying that men are ruled by their sex drive and incapable of connecting to women without intercourse.
Of course, we know that isn't true. We know men are created in God's own image. Men have souls, brains, hearts, and (gasp) even emotions. They are capable of great love and great daring. They can be brave, loving, selfless, giving, responsible, faithful, and obedient. They are leaders, warriors, and kings. They can be righteous and they can be noble. They are co-heirs with Jesus Christ to the very kingdom of heaven. They are not idiots, not ruled by sex, and not soulless and mindless sex maniacs who use woman. No matter what our culture tries to say about them, we know that God created them with the potential to be something more.
We know this because God tells us so in the Bible. We know this because we see this incarnate in the man Jesus Christ, who lived on this earth, walked our dusty roads, and never gave in to the temptation to have sex outside of marriage. Even without sex, Jesus was happy, successful, and holy. He gave Himself completely, selflessly, and wholly for those He loved, and He didn't make them trade sexual favors in return for His generosity.
If Jesus is what our men can be, why is society's view of what men are so different?
I think it's because we live in a fallen world, and this is just one more way Satan tries to drag us away from God and into sin. By making men (and women) believe that men have insatiable sex drives that must be fulfilled, he gives us an easy excuse for promiscuity, immodesty, fornication, adultery, sexual immorality, pornography, erotica, lewdness, coarse joking, and a host of other things that the Bible says clearly are sins. In essence, we make sex an idol. We make sex something it was never intended to be: a need, a right, an uncontrollable urge, a desire for selfishness.
Be careful of making sex an idol in your life. Do you use it for the glory of God, to honor Him and His commands, and to show Christlike, selfless love to your spouse? Or do you use it for your own pleasure or as a cheap fix for your relationships? Because remember, Jesus will come back. For those who live in righteousness and honor God with their lives, an eternity with God awaits. For those who believed Satan's and society's lies about sex, men, and love, there can be no happiness in the next life. Make sure you follow God's Word and no other.
I'll close with a verse from Revelations 22:14:
"Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the
tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs,
those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the
idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood."
Articles I used for this blog:
No comments:
Post a Comment