When Women Make Men Idols

I've found a great blog by Christian author Paula Rinehart right here in the Blogger community.

Paula talks about women and their relationships with men. When do our desires for our husbands, fathers, boyfriends, and male friends to be leaders and guides turn into idolatry? We long for men to lead us, to understand us, to know us. We want the warrior king of the God in the Old Testament, the loving friend and brother of Jesus in the New Testament, the strength of Sampson, the faith of Abraham, the powerful personality of Paul, the warrior of Joshua, the love of God of David, and the tender ministrations of Jesus. All in one man.

Can any man do that? Probably not. But we yearn for it.... we long for the men in our lives to fulfill that hole in our hearts left by the Fall. Adam was too passive, so we yearn for strength. Moses was too insecure, yet we long for self-confidence. Peter was too simple, so we want education and wit. The men in movies, songs, and books seem to be all these things. We yearn for that love and protection. Why can't our own fathers, boyfriends, brothers, and husbands give us the same?

I can't answer that question. I can say that we women yearn for that strong, perfect, godly man because... well, because we are meant to. Our hearts know that all these wonderful personality traits, this love and understanding and faith and confidence and grace, are possible. We've seen in in Jesus Himself. We long for a man to love us that way. Oh, we know Jesus already loves us that way. But for now, He is in heaven and He cannot touch us, hold us, talk to us, reassure us, or make love to us. We want someone tangible. Someone to protect us, provide for us, love us, understand us, grow us, and minister to our hearts and minds and souls. The perfect man.

Of course, that doesn't exist. Only Jesus can fulfill that hole in our hearts. Yet the men in our lives are also called to be like Jesus to us. God has put a part of Himself in every man on earth, and we sense inside our insecure, annoying friends and husbands and fathers, a king and warrior or savior and peacemaker. We long for that to come out and be used for our protection and provision.

It's not unBiblical to compare men to Jesus. Ephesians 5 tells us all to "be imitators of God." It goes farther and says of men and their relationships with women:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

These verses compare men to Jesus Himself. They call husbands to lead their wives the way Jesus leads them. It talks to husbands of following Jesus' example of sacrifice, cleansing, healing, sanctifying, and leading their wives. This is the ultimate charge for husbands. I don't know if it's possible to ever completely succeed at this model of marriage while on earth, but it is clear men are called to be the embodiment of Jesus Christ for their wives as much as they are able. Likewise, women should respond as the Church responds to its Savior.

This verse speaks so much to me. It tells me that we women long for a man to be Jesus for us because men are made in His image and called to love us like Him. Some part of us--some vulnerable, longing part of us--senses that potential for strength and leadership in him, and yearns for it to be shown to us completely.

Of course, it can't be shown to us completely. Only Jesus can do that. But when our hearts long for real arms to envelop us, real words to speak to us through our heartaches and tears, we cannot look to Jesus for that. Oh, He loves us and speaks to us through His Word, but it is not the same as hearing a real voice and feeling real hands wipe away your tears. It is not the same as being held against a real, warm chest and feeling healing hands stroking your hair.

Here on earth we are in a fallen state. Whether you take the Biblical accound of Adam, Eve, and the Garden of Eden literally or metaphorically, somehow we are in a fallen world where Satan has control and Jesus won't come back to right it until.... well, we don't know when. We know He is coming, and that the ultimate outcome will be His victory, but we don't know when that will happen. So we are left here, with shadows of Jesus echoed in the men around us, longing for more and to feel His arms around us.

Some day, I believe we will feel that. But the Bible is clear that it won't be here and now, at least not completely. No matter how much we nag and beg our husbands to be Jesus for us, they probably can't do it 100%. God is telling me this today through his Psalms; take for instance this quote from Psalm 60:

...The help of man is worthless. -Psalm 60:11b.

Although the writer of this psalm was talking about war, I think it applies to all our lives. After all, our lives are one big war against Satan, until we finish the race and go home to heaven. Men and women can sometimes show us the heart of Jesus (we are called to be His body on earth, after all), but eventually they will fail. Also consider this psalm quote:

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvations comes from Him. He alone is my
rock and my salvation; He is my fortress. -Psalm 62:1-2

Sometimes, the men in our lives can minister to us as Jesus does. I do believe they should try. But when your heart is breaking and the men in your life have failed you, perhaps you should retreat to a quiet place, listen to some music, have some quiet prayer time, or simply read your Bible. Ask Jesus to be with you in that place. Ask Him to heal you and show you His love. In the end, it's something only He can do perfectly. All you have to do is ask.