Written Letter #1
Dear John,
First, I want to say how much I love and appreciate you. I am sorry I was angry and snappy on the car ride home today. I know you had put effort into taking me out to a nice dinner, and wanted to do something nice for me. Thank you, that meant a lot to me. You are a good husband and provider, and I know how much you love me.
The reason I was so angry in the car was a comment you made over dinner. You may not even have meant it, but when I was talking to you about how upset I am over my boss's attitude toward me, you just shrugged and said, "Can't we enjoy a nice dinner for once?"
I am sure you did not mean to hurt me, and just wanted to enjoy your time with me. I appreciate that you got a babysitter for the kids and took me out, just us. But when you said that, I felt very hurt. I had been looking forward to talking to you about this problem and getting sympathy and advice from you. I felt like you just blew me off, and I felt hurt and rejected.
If you did not mean to hurt me, please just tell me. I understand you were maybe not trying to offend me. I would just really like for you to hug me, tell me you love me, and apologize for hurting me today. I still would really like the chance to tell you about my boss and have you hold me, listen to me, and just make me feel better.
Once again, I'm sorry for being rude in the car. I know you love me very much and you are usually so good at making me feel listened to and cared for. I love getting to go out to dinners with you alone, just us, and spend time with you. I love you!
Lizzie
Written Letter #2
Margie,
You know you are a wonderful wife and how much you mean to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. You are still as pretty and sweet to me as the day we met. It bugs me when I come home from a hard day's work and the house is not cleaned. I know you work hard, but when I get home, I want to relax with you. I feel stressed and angry when nothing is clean. We have to clean the house instead of relaxing. I would really like it if you could come home from your mom's a little earlier and clean a little, even just tidying up and vacuuming. Like I said, I love you, and you are such a sweet wife to me! I just want to enjoy our evenings together in peace. Yours,
Rick
Spoken Conversation #1:
Alice: I feel like this fight is getting out of hand. Can I have a minute?
Doug: Sure, whatever.
Alice: Ok, I want to say this, so please just listen, okay?
Doug:I'm listening.
Alice: I want to say I'm sorry for the way this fight turned out. I didn't mean to attack you. I don't really think you are selfish and I do love you. I know we have a good relationship and we are both willing to work on it. But when we fight, it really hurts my feelings when you raise your voice and get sarcastic with me. I feel hurt, and like you think I'm stupid.
Doug: But--
Alice: Please let me finish. I know you may not mean to, and you are just angry, but it hurts my feelings. If you are mad at me, I would rather you just take a break, go take a walk or watch tv or whatever for a while. Then, when you are calmer, we can come back and discuss it. I want to work things out with you, but I'd rather do it when we are both calm and not attacking each other.
Doug:But you never listen to me when we're fighting.
Alice: I know you feel that way. I'm sorry. I think it would help if you took a break, and were calmer, so I could listen to you easier without feeling defensive. You know?
Doug: Okay.
Alice: Because I love you. You usually treat me so well, and I hate feeling distant. I think this would help both of us feel better. Okay?
Doug: Okay.
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