Your personality is who you are as a person. God already knows your personality intimately (He designed and created it!), your family and friends probably know it pretty darn well, and you also may have a fairly decent idea of who you are, how you work, and what you need in relationships. Then again, you may have no idea who you are! And that is okay, too.
There are many personality tests and quizzes available on the internet, some quality, and most not. While I don't think a "Which Lord of the Rings Character Are You" quiz is going to help you discover your inner self and engage in healthier relationships, there are some quality personality tests that will. I've been using these for years, and there is good information on the web about them.
http://www.personalitypage.com/
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
These links will help you find information about the 16 Myers-Briggs Personality Types, one of the most famous and well-respected theories of personalities out there. This won't magically tell you what type of person you should marry (in fact, any combo of these personalities can have a happy marriage!) but it will help you learn a great deal about yourself. Share these with your partner so you can better understand each other. The whole point of a relationship is to grow to better love and support each other, and to do that you need to understand the other's wants and needs.
Another very popular personality theory are the Four Personality Theories. This one dates back to Greek times and Aristotle, and there are on-line knockoffs that will assign each of the four personalities an animal, a color, or a cute name. However, the technical names for these personalitie are Choleric, Melancholic, Sanguine, and Phlegmatic. Beverly LaHaye wrote a fantastic book about these four types, The Spirit-Controlled Woman. I think these four are so important to know and understand in relationships that I will blog about each of these personalities separately later.
A question we often here in relationship advice is "Do opposites really attract?" The answer is, yes... but not always.
Tricky, I know.
Opposites do tend to attract. In some ways, this is very healthy. For instance, an extrovert will probably be drawn toward an introvert for a marriage partner, because their strengths and weaknesses will balance someone out. Likewise, a pessimist is often drawn to an optimist, a happy, bouncy person to a more stoic, mopey one, or a messy person to a neat freak. This is normal and healthy, because they provide balance.
Of course, balance is just a fancy way of saying "balance provided by the constant pulling in opposite directions." Balance assumes there is conflict there, stated or not. Sometimes the messy person is going to feel annoyed and controlled by the neat freak. Sometimes the neat freak is going to get angry and stressed out by the chaos. But hopefully, they will work through the conflict and be able to maintain a household that is pretty normal, not too much like a war zone and not too much like a sterile hospital. Balance and happiness ensue!
But opposites aren't always healthy. For example, there are some areas in marriage that need to be similar. These areas include religious beliefs, core values, and future plans (house, children, job, etc.). Someone who wants to live in the country with horses and 10 kids may well be the opposite of a spouse who sees herself living in the middle of a huge city with 1 baby and a maid, but this isn't a healthy opposite.
Opposites attract, but you have to decide which attractions are healthy and which are not. Someone who has different morals, sees the world too differently from you, has differing religious beliefs, or ultimately wants different things from you is not going to be a good marriage partner, because these opposites will eventually cause resentment and tear you apart. Each couple must individually decide which areas they want to have a balance in, and which areas they want to agree on. It's up to you!
God does give us some guidance, though. These areas are not up to us, because they are commands from the person who created marriage and loves us. We can trust that his advice is good. One area you should not have differences in is religion. (See the Bible verse I'm referencing.) If you are a Christian with a living relationship with Jesus Christ, you should find someone who fits that. Saying they are a Christian, without obvious evidence of that in their life, is not enough.
The Bible, however, leaves all the following up to individual choice: race, background, interests, enthicity, citizenship, past sins, personality type, hobbies, future plans. You are on your own on this one, given the free will to decide what you want and what you don't want.
Find a partner whose personality fits yours. You should complement each other, supplement each other, and ultimately lead each other closer to God than you would be capable of coming on your own. Pray for guidance, and God will be good to answer.
Good luck! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment