Quality time is one of the most important aspects of maintaining a healthy, functioning relationship. In today's world of hectic schedules and demanding jobs, it can be difficult to find time in your day for quality time. This is especially true if you have other outside activities or children! But it is worth it to carve time out of each day to be together, no matter how difficult it may seem.
Distance makes two people drift apart, becoming roommate rather than friends and lovers; many couples someday wake up and find they don't know their partners anymore. Changing as a person is inevitable, and it is up to you and your partner to make sure that you spend enough time talking, sharing, and being together to make sure when you change and grow as a person, you change and grow together.
Many couples have a hard time fitting alone time in to their schedules because they have demanding jobs, hobbies, school schedules, or dependent children. While all these are valid pursuits, you need to be careful to balance your life so all these come after your relationship.
1. Jobs. Many people neglect quality time with a spouse to get ahead at work. Often this is because they truly enjoy it, because a boss demands it, or because the couple has decided financial stability is a priority for them right now. While jobs are important, I have issues with spending more time at work than at home: if you truly enjoy it, I ask you: is it worth losing your partner over? If a boss demands it, consider quitting and finding a less demanding job. Your relationships with people have eternal worth; your career on earth does not. If finances drive you, consider a smaller apartment, owning just one car, or saving coupons; again, money has no eternal value, but love does.
One man loved his job and got great personal fulfillment from working hard each day and bringing home nice things to his wife and children. However, his wife eventually felt so distant from him that she could no longer appreciate his work and his dedication to his career became a selfish desire, rather than for her. When a counselor finally said, "You have to chose. Do you want to succeed at your job alone, or do you want to succeed at your job with your wife by your side?" this husband made a very wise decision: he booked his wife in every day as one of his clients! He normally saw 8 clients a day, so he cut down to 7 and no matter what, did not cancel or reschedule his daily "appointment" with her at the end of his day! In the end, they had a happier marriage and he got to enjoy his job!
If you don't get to make your own schedule, consider taking off one day each month to have a long weekend with your spouse, no interruptions. Or try to do lunch dates with each other once a week, while still maintaining your work schedules. Or take a "mental health day" and put your sick leave to good use!
2. Hobbies. While your hobbies are important to you as an individual, they should never come before work, children, or relationships. If your hobbies are taking away time from your spouse, it's time to cut back! Go to the gym less, play one sport instead of two, or go out with the girls every three months instead of every month. If possible, try to do your hobbies together! You don't have to spend every moment together talking; just reading together, going to the gym, or taking a class together can be great quality time.
3. School schedules. This is often a problem for younger relationships. If you are still in school, make sure you don't get so caught up in graduating that you forget your most important grade: your relationships. Consider taking one fewer class per semester, keeping intersession and summers free from classes, taking a class together, or just skipping a class now and then to be together.
4. Children. This can be tricky, since children are one of the most important things in life. In fact, if you aren't married, your children should come before your partner! However, if you are in a Christian marriage, nothing on earth comes before your marriage, including your children. Many people have trouble with this, but the fact is, children are given to us for a time, but your spouse is forever. You are one flesh with your spouse, one in the eyes of God. It is better for you and healthier for your children if your marriage comes first. One of the best gifts you can give your children is to have a happy marriage!
Try to get a babysitter and go out for adult time once a week. If schedules or finances don't allow for this, try to take off work sometimes and have the house to yourself when the kids aren't home.
Another great idea is to set good boundaries with your children. Once both spouses return home from work, it is a great idea to have some family time and get to ask your kids about their days. However, set a structured time, at the same time each day, when the kids know not to interrupt or bother you unless there is an emergency. With infants, this will often be once they go to bed, but with small children they can play safely in their rooms for an hour. Older children can spend the time doing homework or chores. Once they are old enough, they can be in charge of preparing dinner or setting the table while you two seclude yourselves in the bedroom. This hour can be invaluable for you as a couple to re-connect, talk about your days, and get some needed "adult" time. Many partners look forward to this time, knowing they will get a break from their hectic lives and spend a quiet hour, asking about each other's days and venting about problems going on in their lives! It is a wonderful feeling to know that soon, everything will be okay because you will be with someone who cares for you and is 100% on your side.
Of course, if you don't yet have children or stresses from jobs, hobbies, or school, getting quality time is going to be a little easier for you. Make sure you don't get complacent and take it for granted, but make an effort to keep having quality time together whenever possible.
Remember, at the end of this life, you will be judged on how you treated the people around you and how well and hard you loved-- not how much money was in the bank, what job you had, or which hobbies you pursued.
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