Let's read this important verse:
"Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." -NASB
Paul here is not forbidding one partner to ever say "No." You are a married human being, not a slave or a piece of property. If Paul were forbidding us to say no to the use of our own bodies, we would be no more than a slave. However, he is clear that your body belongs to your spouse. So how do you say no if you have a legitimate reason?
The context of this passage is clear: some of the Corinthians in Paul's time had become a sort of legalistic "super-Christian" who believed the body and sex were evil. They wrote him saying some spouses were refusing to have sex with their partners, ever. No sex until death. Paul wrote back immediately, saying this was ridiculous, and that one spouse does not have the right to force the other one into celibacy. He pointed out that the spouse's bodies belong to one another, and that any abstinence should be mutual, for their own spiritual good.
Clarke's commentary states that married partners are only to abstain from sex for a "season" and under "extraordinary circumstances." The Matthew Henry commentary asserts that Paul means married couples should not try to live permanently sexless lives, but deny each other "while they employ themselves in some extraordinary duties of religion." He says, "...deep seasons of humiliation require abstinence from lawful pleasures." In other words, as far as 1 Corinthians 7 is concerned, husbands and wives may only deny each other for spiritual, religious, or penitential purposes. One may not deny the other permanently.
While the Bible clearly says here that abstaining from sex is permissible for spiritual reasons (prayer, growing closer to God), there are other examples of temporary abstinence. In 1 Samuel 21:5, David revealed that his soldiers had been abstaining from women to purify themselves before a journey. The priest indicated men abstained from sex in order to eat consecrated bread. In Exodus 19:15, Moses instructed the Israelites to abstain from relations for several days as they purified themselves in preparation for the LORD to come down the mountain and reveal Himself to them. Leviticus 18:19 forbid God's people from having sex with their spouse during the woman's monthly period--ever. This was God's natural way of providing physical rest and emotional intimacy for couples with a natural break from sex every month. Ecclesiastes 3:5 says "There is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing." Other translations use the word "kiss." It is commonly interpreted to mean both amicable embraces with friends and sexual relations with a spouse. In Joel 2:16, even the bride and bridegroom are called forth from their bedchambers to participate in a nation-wife fast and prayer, showing penitence and begging mercy from God.
For a Christian, the only reason to abstain from sex, then, is for religious reasons. The Bible explicitly says it is permissible to mutually abstain from sex for the purpose of prayer and spiritual devotion. Christians who want to take advantage of God's time of rest and renewal in their sexual lives may (but are not required to) follow the Old Testament law found in Leviticus 18:19. Additionally, Christians may interpret Ecclesiastes 3:5 to mean God expects normal times of sexual rest and renewal. Paul makes it clear in Corinthians, however, that this rest should be mutual and temporary.
But what if it isn't mutual? What if one spouse wants sex and the other does not? Do you have the right to say no?
Legally, of course, yes. Rape is illegal in the United States, even among married couples. Your spouse could go to jail for forcing you. Biblically, you should remember your body belongs first to God, then to your spouse, and then to you. The three of you together should try to agree upon an acceptable compromise. Also, remember that Ephesians 5 tells Christians to "submit to each other." (This goes for both sexes.) Even if one spouse has the biblical right to force the other, why would you want to? Is sexual gratification more important than your spouse's feelings? Shouldn't you rather submit lovingly to his or her need for abstinence for a time?
Likewise, the spouse who does not want to have sex should remain open to submitting to sexual relationships. In the end, if one or both of you don't want sex, something is wrong. It may be a medical problem, depression, a mental illness, or simple sickness. Fatigue, stress, exhaustion, and depression can lead to a lowered sex drive for both sexes. Also, if you do not feel desire for your partner, something is wrong in the relationship. Simply continuing to have sex when you don't want to may be Biblical, but it is not smart. It will only add to your depression, lonliness, or whatever is causing your disinterest in sex, and build resentment for your partner. God intended sex to be holy, fulfilling, emotional, and happy, and you are cheating Him and your marriage by settling for less.
Perhaps you could lovingly explain to your spouse that you want to honor her needs for sex, but right now you are feeling lonely, depressed, or stressed. If it is a problem outside of the relationship, ask her to be patient. Also, try to work on your own sex drive. Get a massage, exercise, or do yoga. Take a few days off from work together and take a mini-vacation to somewhere new. Relax, sleep, give each other massages, and don't focus on the pressure to have sex. If the problem is within the relationship, tell her that openly. Agree to a compromise: you will try to have sex more, and she will try to meet your needs more. Consider counseling. If you don't want to try that, simply commit to spending more time together. Talk about your feelings and emotions, reminisce about your happiest times as a couple, and spend time together doing activities you both enjoy. As closeness and emotional intimacy returns, you may find your sexual interest reigniting. If you cannot find an emotional intimacy, it doesn't matter how much you force yourself to have sex with her, your marriage is on a downhill slide.
Try to find a compromise: submit to each other, pray hard, and talk openly. God can solve this problem--trust Him and walk on!
Resources and to Know More:
Heartlight's "Search God's Word"
Clarke's commentary
Matthew Henry commentary
Thandians News "Pastor Calls on Married Couples to Have Sex for 7 Days"
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