For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Being the "head" (or leader) of a headstrong, independent adult woman is a tough job! But it's what you sign up for when you marry her; you are taking responsibility for her emotional and physical welbeing. You are promising God that you will love, care for, and grow His daughter to the best of your ability for the rest of your life. The passage continues:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Let's break the passage down. You are to lead her, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. You are to lead her even in the areas where she is perhaps stronger or more advanced than you. You are to love her sacrifically, in fact completely sacrificially; a man loving his wife like Christ loves the Church would give anything for her.
How do you lead an adult, perhaps equal or greater than you in intelligence, experience, abilities, or age? Well, with God's help, of course! (See Phillipians 4:13). But the four areas of leadership and care can still be broken down into some helpful for hints charged with the leadership of a spouse:
Emotionally: Is your wife happy? Does she enjoy a happy relationship with her friends, family, and children? Do you ensure these people maintain healthy boundaries with her and treat her with respect? Does she trust you? Does she feel fulfilled and happy in her marriage with you? Do you spend lots of quality time with her and pay attention to her? Are you everything she hoped for in a husband? Does she find healing in comfort from you, other relationships, and hobbies? Does your spouse have a healthy self-esteem, good social skills, positive body image, and self-confidence? If the answer to any of these questions is no, how can you fix this or suggest a solution for her emotional welbeing?
Mentally: Is your wife in a job that intellectually challenges her? Is she mentally stimulated by her hobbies, friends, and you? Is she free from mental disorders such as depression, bipolarism, and anxiety disorder? If not, are you ensuring she receives regular medical and psychiatric care and the medication she needs? Are there any areas where you could perhaps encourage her to take classes or further her expertise?
Physically: Is she healthy? Does she exercise and eat regularly? Does she need to eat more, go on a diet, or get more fresh air and sunshine? Does she see a doctor annually (both a general practitioner and gynocologist for women over 18, with a mammogram for women over 40)? Does she feel happy with her body? Is your sex life fulfilling for her? If she is on birth control, have you researched it to learn about and monitor for dangerous side effects? Does she have any allergies? Is she free from stress, fatigue, and other things that cause heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, and physical illness?
Spiritually: This is perhaps your most important area of leadership, since it is the one that will decide if your wife joins you in heaven at the end of her life (although you will answer to God for all four areas!). Ask yourself these questions: how is your wife's relationship with God? Is she under any negative spiritual attacks, and how can you as her head take authority over that? Are there any areas of particular weakness in her Christian lifestyle or walk with God that you can--lovingly--help her overcome? Do you make sure her soul is bathed in the Word by encouraging her in weekly church attendance and daily bible study, and do you set an example for her in these areas? Can you find a bible study or devotional that will draw you wife, or you both as a couple, closer to God? In all things, your job as her spiritual head is to lead both of you closer and closer to Christ.
What else does the Bible say about leadership?
Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20: 25-28
Ah-ha! This is even tricker. Not only are you to love, lead, and care for her (whether or not she deserves it or returns the favor), but you are to do it as a servant, humbly and gently. You as a man must have the confidence to lead her, yet do it with complete humility. You must lead as a servant, like Jesus Himself. If you are not sure whether or not you exhibit both confident leadership and a servantlike humility, ask you wife. You will be sure to get an honest answer and some good pointers on how to be a better leader!
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