Submission

Usually when we talk about submission, we talk about women and their biblical roles of submission. This is an important aspect. But an equally important aspect of submission is the male role of submission. To have someone submit to you, and in turn to submit to others, is a big responsibility. How can a man of God learn to lead his wife and submit his life?

Let's begin with the most well-known submission verses, Ephesians 5:25-31.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

While all wives are told in the previous verses are to submit, Paul gives husbands a long paragraph about how to treat their wives with uptmost love and respect--even more difficult, like the one perfect man to ever walk the earth, Jesus Christ.

Let's break Ephesians 5 down. You are to lead her (so she can submit--there is no submission without leadership). You are to love her sacrifically, in fact completely sacrificially, giving up everything for her: your hobbies, your friends, your family your self-interest, your job, your money, even your life. A man loving his wife like Chris loves the Church would give anything for her.

You are also to be instrumental in making her holy and washing her with the Word of God. Her ultimate salvation, of course, is up to her, but as her spiritual and God-ordained leader you are also accountable for the state of her soul when you stand before God one day. Try to lead her in better spiritual directions, ways that will make her more holy--going to church more regularly, adding extra devotions or worship or prayer to her day, becoming more involved in church, helping her follow biblical guidelines in her life. You should know your wife's spiritual strengths and weaknesses, and encourage and nurture those strengths and lovingly correct the weaknesses. She is your spiritual responsibility! You should cleanse her with the Word of God, which means immersing her in God's word through church or bible study. Consider doing devotionals together, encouraging her to sign up for a women's bible study, or buying her a devotional book or personal bible study program.

According to Paul, while following Jesus' example of leadership and sacrificial love you should present her to yourself, radiant, holy, and blameless. Before marriage, this means protecting her heart, keeping her mental and sexual purity, and maintaining a healthy, God-focused emotional intimacy. After marriage, you must still continue "washing her with the word" to present her to yourself as radiant and holy. This means you keep leading her back to God, again and again, so she always continues on a path of holiness. When married, you still want to protect her heart from hurt--both from you and from others, help her maintain sexual purity with you and only you, and make sure she stays emotionally healthy, with healthy boundaries and a happy, productive life. In all things you should want the best for her.

Last but not least, you must love your wife as you love yourself. This means all the care you give yourself--getting your needs met, staying healthy, being happy, getting the sleep and food you need, spending time on your own interests, hobbies, and friends, working toward your job--you give to her as well. She should be as happy as you are. Is she happy? Does she enjoy her job? Is she financially secure? Does she enjoy your marriage? Is she happy with you? Does she feel loved? Is she relaxed and stress-free? Does she have good Christian relationships with others? Does she have healthy boundaries with others? Are there any people she needs protection from? Any situations you, her spiritual leader, should step in to help her solve? Any areas she needs your guidance? Does she maintain a healthy interest in her own spiritual walk, hobbies, and friends? Are there any areas she is particularly talented in that you can encourage her to develop?

Also please note, in Ephesians Paul does not say you are to provide this leadership for your wife in exchange for her submission. You are to provide it, because Christ provided it for the Church. In fact, Chris provided leadership and love for His Church even when He got nothing in return. When the Church did not deserve it. When the Church betrayed and hurt Him. Yet still He gave up everything He had for her, and this is what God calls husbands to do for their wives. It is a frightening but holy responsibility. God can give you strength to do it.

There are other, less quoted verses about submission and the holy role of leadership Christian men are called to. Colossians 3:19 says:

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

This is simple enough. Your job, no matter what your wife does, is to be loving toward her; this means you must show her love, affection, time, attention, loyalty, and devotion, even when she does not deserve it or even seem to want it. Paul also makes a special note for husbands to "not be harsh" with their wives. This means, like Jesus, to maintain a gentle and humble spirit with your wife. Be tender and loving toward her, not rough or hurtful, even when you are hurt and angry.

Peter, another New Testament writer and one of Jesus' closest friends, also has something to say to husbands about their roles as leaders in a marriage. First Peter 3:7 reads:

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

This tells us several things about a husband's duty to his wife. Just as Paul warned you not to be harsh, Peter admonishes you to be "considerate." Considerate means you are in touch with her emotions, feelings, and thoughts; you are thoughtful, attentive, and loving.

You are also to treat them with respect. "Huh?!" you might be thinking, "I thought she was supposed to treat me with respect!" You're right; she is. But regardless of how your wife is acting, you are called to treat her with respect. In your tone, your words, your voice, and your conversation, you should approach your wife with respect. Your job is to act out the role of Jesus in a holy marriage metaphor that prominently symbolizes to the world the depth of Jesus' love for His Church. This means that, like Jesus, you treat her with respect and sacrifice until your death.

What does it mean when Peter says women are "the weaker partner"? This depends on your interpretation! Anyone who has met a fierce mother, wife, or boss knows that women are not all weak. But we are weaker than men in some areas. For example, many women are physically weaker and smaller than men. We also tend to be more emotional, more easily hurt, and more fragile. The world--and the people in it--get to us more than it gets to you. Just living our daily lives can leave us feeling wounded, hurt, confused, abandoned, and betrayed. Protecting and healing our tender hearts is one of the reasons God gave you the role of leading us with your strength and stability. You are to lead us away from negative people and situations, protect us from evil people, and lead us toward God.

In the end, marriage is the only metaphor left on earth by God to symbolize the holy relationship between Him and His Church. In order that all His people could be reminded daily of His sacrifical love for them, He has given them a continual reminder--all the married couples in the world, scores upon scores of them, all re-enacting the dance of sacrificial and cleansing love Jesus showed for His people during His short time on earth. Wherever people turn, whenever they see a married couple, they should be reminded of God's amazing love.

Following in Jesus' footsteps is not easy. He never said it would be. For those men called to be husbands and fathers, He gives an even harder task--the task of modeling your lives after Him, being loving and sacrificial and respectful and holy and strong for the women in your life, who represent God's people. You are the leaders, the warriors, the courageous, the strong, and the sacrificial. Through Him, you have the strength to do anything (Philippians 4:13). Even this.